There are days when I miss having friends. Not the “let’s hang out” kind, but the old ones, the ones who knew me before life turned into checklists and logins.
Sometimes I scroll through old pictures and it hits me how I don’t have a single person from back then anymore. Not even one constant. It’s weird how time erases people who once knew your favourite pen, your handwriting, your fear of maths.
And then there’s this kind hooman.

Someone I never really talked to much, but for some reason, they’ve always stayed in my head like background music I never turned off. I still remember how my hands used to shake while talking to them back in school. It was that innocent kind of nervousness that now feels too pure for adult life.
We were never close, but I had promised myself something. I told them once that I wanted to go to Germany, and somewhere deep inside, I decided that when I finally make it there, I’ll message them and say, “Look, I made it.”
I even thought I’d visit the Mercedes Museum someday and click a photo just for them because they liked cars. 😊
Funny how the brain holds on to the smallest things.
But life had other plans. Germany didn’t happen yet, friends drifted, timelines got messy.
And maybe it’s also because of the timing. It’s that part of the year again, the one where everything feels a little heavier than usual. My birthday’s coming up, and I hate how I even write it like I’m happy about it. I’m not. It’s the same month again that makes me wish I didn’t exist for a while.
It’s about how sometimes we just wish to share our little wins with someone who once made us feel seen, even if they didn’t know it. (remember my anchor blog?)
Maybe it’s longing, maybe it’s nostalgia, maybe it’s just me overthinking again.
But I like to believe that somewhere, that kind hooman is doing well, maybe building something, maybe just existing peacefully.
And when my time comes, when I do reach that dream I once spoke of, I hope I can still whisper in the air, “Hey, I made it.”
with
love and light,
nandi❤
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